Tag Archives: humor

What if LIFE was decided by polls?

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This week, our current President’s poll numbers have taken a nose dive. This is not about the President, or whether you like him or not. With approval rates dropping below 40%, ouch. Yet our President said he doesn’t believe in poles. Yeah, right. So polls count, except when they don’t.

Let me share some great and weird and scary poll numbers … 

  • In NCAA Men’s Basketball, the Baptist (Baylor) and the Methodist (Duke) top the polls (good news for bears and devils)
  • 75% of Americans believe in the paranormal (41% on ESP, 46% in ghosts)
  • Mississippi has highest rate of church goers (63%) and Vermont has the least (23%)
  • 2% of people believe in a flat earth (do they believe in cruises or is that dangerous?)
  • There are 5 areas of well-being (purpose, social support, manageable finances, strong community, and good physical health.) Only 7.5% of Millennials thrive in all five
  • Over half of Democratic registered voters favor house arrest for the unvaccinated … almost a third say parents should lose custody of children if they are unvaccinated
  • 7% believe the moon landing was a hoax
  • 9% believe our government adds chemicals to the water for sinister reasons
Don’t always believe the polls!
  • 48% of Democratic registered voters think those who publicly question existing vaccines on social media should be fined or imprisoned … 45% favor interments
  • 67% of Americans think our country is headed in the wrong direction
  • 37% of Americans believe global warming is hoax
  • 40% of Americans believe we are in the end times (13% thought Obama was the AntiChrist)

What if you actually took polls before we made decisions … and lived by the results? Would you want your family to vote on who you should marry? Do you want the country to vote on how we can worship? Do you want society to say where you can work, what you should believe, and be completely controlling?

I get we should respect others, and we should protect rights, and we always to realize respecting different beliefs – yet I also understand cultural norms change according to the, well, the culture. *(think about marriage, slavery, American independence, UFOs and how these have changed )

However, the majority is not always right. Sometimes the majority is wrong.

In Numbers 14 … 10 out 12 spies told the nation they couldn’t take the land, the enemy was too great, and they were on the wrong path. But the 2 believed in God, His promises, and the path before them into the Promised Land. The country followed the poll and believed that the hardship was too great.

Truth is truth. And God’s Word is ABSOLUTE. Not up for a vote. It’s not decided by a poll. And it doesn’t change according to what I think. It’s truth, absolute truth. It doesn’t give every answer to every question (like who should you marry or even if you should marry?) But it does talk about marriage. So where it is clear – we stand firm. Where it is grey – we ask for wisdom.

For now, I may occasionally read the polls, but my life stands on the Word. I don’t believe in a flat earth … I believe we landed on the moon … and I also believe in one’s right to refuse an undocumented and new vaccine without being thrown into the Big House. But the only thing I base my life on – the Word of God, His promises, Him.

What about you? What do you believe is Truth? 57% of people believe you’ll ignore this blog by tomorrow. (I made that one up)

Sites I got these polls … here … here … and here

All the cartoons were from a Google search

Podcast – Top Ten Funny Life Events

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It’s the tenth of the month, so on my 2nd podcast, I am sharing 10 funny things I did in life that makes me laugh at myself. Like Carl Reiner said … Inviting people to laugh with you while you are laughing at yourself;f is a good thing to do. You may be a fool but you’re the fool in charge. Just enjoy today’s way of keeping me humble.

Click the graphic to open the player … 6min20sec

Podcast #2

Penguins, Puns, People and Prayer

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You’ve got to keep a positive spin in all of this. So today, I share three things I came across on the web. And being in the web, it has to be true.

Penguins … the Chicago Shedd Aquarium has closed to the public. But it is has opened up its doors, at least the inside doors, to the penguins that reside within. They are now free to roam the building. They seem to hang out at the fish tank. Is it wonder of watching the swimming, or are they thinking lunch? I just don’t want to be the guy who has to clean up after the penguins.

Puns … I read the virus came into contact with Chuck Norris x and the virus had to go into 14 day quarantine.

Puns #2 … I read the World Health Organization has determined dogs can’t get Corona Virus. So the canines are free to play outside. So literally, WHO let the dogs out.

People … if anything, I pray we never lose the importance of ‘people to people’ connections. I understand we need social distancing, that we need to be preventative, and that we need to be proactive in preparing for extended isolation. But, we also need to remember there are some that have no web connections, live alone, and this isolation might be overwhelming.

So today … even if in a self imposed quarantine … take a few moments to reach out by phone. Spend a few minutes to connect. If not quarantined, maybe make some soup for a neighbor who lives alone. Run an errand for a senior adult.

And say a prayer for each person that the Lord lays on your mind.

Dad Jokes – Enjoy Wednesday Wit

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None of these are new. Some were taken from BuzzFeed. But most just circulate on the web. Today, I lighten your journey with simple, yet profound wisdom in the form of … Dad Jokes.

  • Why didn’t the vampire bite Taylor Swift? … She had bad blood
  • Of all the inventions in the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable
  • “I took my 8-year-old to the office on Take Your Kid to Work Day. As we were walking around, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked her what was wrong. As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed, ‘Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?!'”
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  • Nothing’s better than being the ages of 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, or 97 years old. Those are the years you’re in your prime.
  • EBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
  • I just saw my wife trip and fall while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes. The whole event just all unfolded before my eyes.
  • My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, ‘What’s wrong?’ She screamed, ‘These contractions are going to kill me!’ ‘I am sorry, honey,’ I replied. ‘What is wrong?’
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  • Without a doubt, my favorite Robin Williams movie is Mrs. Fire.
  • I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.

Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
A: Toad.

Q: What do you call it when Batman skips church?
A: Christian Bale.

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Q: Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
A: It’s pasteurized before you even see it.

That’s enough for today. I am now signing off to go watch the real comedy. C-Span and the hearings.

Animals can be Hilarious

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Me: I am not a cat person

Facebook: But our algorithm wants to put cat memes on your timeline all the time

Me: Twitter doesn’t treat me this way

Facebook: (Silence)

Me: Okay, maybe I one time liked a pic of the Flerken named Goose from Captain Marvel – the coolest cat in the Marvel Universe.

Facebook: There you go.

Bummer. However, I discovered that Wildlife Comedy has chosen their best comedy pics of the 2019 and some of them just bring a nice smile to my face.

Elmar Weiss
with
Surfing….South Atlantic Style!

The Bible eludes to angels watching us, learning, and so on – one ponders if they look and laugh at us at times.

Mike Rowe
with
Deer – What Deer?

The pics came from this website – and you can go there to see the rest of the winners.

And my fav, the way I feel when a great song hits my shuffle play …

Martina Gebert
with
Dancing…yeah!

With all the drama in the world, we all could use a little smile. Just some fun!

Have a blessed day!

52 Hiker Mistakes by Backpacker … and by Worship Leaders

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Bad choices, poor planning, and simply not paying attention. The article listed 52. And I have probably done 50 of them. True, many were in the early stages of my hiking journey, but some have happened very recently.

Most of these mistakes are common sense errors.

  • Handling the water reservoir wrong … so it will leak, freeze, too little, too much, etc.
  • Poor planning … don’t know the hike and her demands, ignore the weather forecast and signs – weather.com can be wrong, no bug deterrent, not using a map, too little food, etc.
  • Laziness … poor packing, not staying together, not double checking position, cutting switchbacks, pitching tent in a puddle or poor placement under a dead tree or not staking your tent, dumb food storage.
  • Poor equipment … hiking in heavy cotton, too layered, not layered, no lighter (or two), no waterproof bags, inadequate sleeping bag, shoes too small, etc.
  • Unwise decisions … touching poison ivy, getting off trail and not paying attention, climbing up with no return path, not setting a turn back time and/or getting caught in the dark, going beyond comfort zone (way beyond), hiking in wet socks (when avoidable), over-dependence on a cell phone, not telling anyone where you are going, etc.

Now, I get it. Sometimes it happens. But let me do a little twist and see if these same mistakes apply to worship planning.

  • Handling water reservoir wrong … Jesus is the living water and we can take Him for granted, expect too little from Him so we try it all on our own, expect too much so we get lazy in our planning.
  • Poor planning … we wing it, we keep,doing the same thing (thus getting the same outcome and wonder why), we don’t pay attention to what our people are going through and ignore the signs (like not praying or realizing a national event, say a shooting, impacts our members in so many ways), and we don’t have everything ready when service starts. Poor planning.
  • Laziness … expecting others to handle everything, no follow up, not punching ourselves in becoming a better choir, praise team, or worship leaders, don’t invest in prayer or studying when preparing a message, etc.
  • Poor equipment … bad projector, crackly sound from microphone, dangerous chairs, and children’s equipment, play area that is faulty, broken, and worn out.
  • Unwise decisions … passing over prayer time, going way over time (especially if limited by radio or video allotment), giving people leadership positions without vetting or proper accountability, over-dependence on technology, planning around pleasing people and not glorifying God, etc.

I think you get it. I realize many readers are not involved in worship planning, but for those that are (like myself), I hope this challenges and encourages us. Mistakes should not define us. They should teach us. It does me.

Hiking … and worship planning … are both areas I’ve made mistakes. But I will not give up, I will look up and get back to the heart of worship. It’s all about Him.

See the Backpacker article here.