None of these are new. Some were taken from BuzzFeed. But most just circulate on the web. Today, I lighten your journey with simple, yet profound wisdom in the form of … Dad Jokes.
- Why didn’t the vampire bite Taylor Swift? … She had bad blood
- Of all the inventions in the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable
- “I took my 8-year-old to the office on Take Your Kid to Work Day. As we were walking around, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked her what was wrong. As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed, ‘Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?!’”
- Nothing’s better than being the ages of 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, or 97 years old. Those are the years you’re in your prime.
- EBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
- I just saw my wife trip and fall while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes. The whole event just all unfolded before my eyes.
- My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, ‘What’s wrong?’ She screamed, ‘These contractions are going to kill me!’ ‘I am sorry, honey,’ I replied. ‘What is wrong?’
- Without a doubt, my favorite Robin Williams movie is Mrs. Fire.
- I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.
Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Q: What do you call it when Batman skips church?
A: Christian Bale.
Q: Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
A: It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
That’s enough for today. I am now signing off to go watch the real comedy. C-Span and the hearings.